Here I stand.

I remember when we watched "Luther" in Branching Out, back in the day when the Reformation was just a thing from my AP Euro text book, I was less than amused by the film. Luther, smuther. Justification by faith alone. Blah. Blah. But now, I see Luther as awesome and when I listen to "Here I Stand", I get goosebumps and almost cry.

These next couple of days mark the days that Luther stood before the Diet of Worms refuting the papacy and bringing forth the Reformation. As I think of Luther and the countless others like him who have suffered for the faith, it makes me think a lot about the cost of discipleship. I love how God orchestrates things so that I will hear messages and read about the same things, so that the message is freaking pounded into my brain because if it's not He knows I will not get it.

So the cost of discipleship I heard at retreat from Allen, read about how Peter was willing to follow Christ in John 6, and then at CCM Dr. Harris talked about how through being disciples we are to be good stewards. As Christians the demand to follow Christ is great. Deny yourself. Take up your cross. Follow me. 

It's not about our own works or anything we can do. We can't make excuses. We can't save ourselves. We turn from ourselves and cling to Christ.

John 6 is crazy. Christ feeds the 5,000 then calls Himself the Bread of Life. He tells everyone how eternal life is gained through Him. But the crowds get confused and they start to leave. Peter's response is so crazy. Christ turns to the disciples and asks them if they want to leave too, but Peter says, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God." (John 6:68-69) 

What does it mean to be a disciple? If all else failed, if all others left, would I stick with Christ? Would I still see Him as the sole provider of eternal life, the Holy One of God? Would I desire Heaven solely because God is there? 

Or would my faith crumble at the slightest pressure exerted against it and would I prove myself not a disciple?

I know how I want myself to answer those questions. No, my faith would not crumble. It would withstand the test. I would hold fast to my confession of faith.

But realistically and practically it doesn't play out. I don't suffer for Christ. It's not even that I don't suffer enough. I don't suffer at all. Nor do I oft think Christ to be my only sustenance, the Bread of Life. My faith is so so small! The price paid for my soul, so great, yet my so small is the cost on my part! 

I'm thankful that God is patient and gracious, that He would give me opportunities to reflect upon my own soul and the condition of my heart. What a joy and comfort to know that God desires my sanctification even more than I do myself (1 Thess. 4:3)! If called, as Luther was, to defend the faith, I hope I will say as he did, "Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen."