I Really Hate Shots.

So recently I got into this internship/volunteer program at this hospital in Long Beach. I had to go into the Student Health Center to make sure my Hep B was all up to date and to get a more current TB test. My Hep B is all done so I just needed a PPD, super easy shot. It's not like getting vaccinated where your arm is all sore for a day or two after you get the shot and it's not like the injection is all up under your arm. But I really hate shots.

The past few times when I've had to get vaccines I've gotten super dizzy and I blacked out. Partly due to the fact that before going into the doctor's office I didn't really eat that much (you would think I would have learned from the first time it happened...) but more so due to the fact that I hate shots. I don't mind needles. Giving blood is ok. But I freaking hate shots.

When I went into the health center on Friday to get my PPD, I put my brave face on and tried not to think about it too much. It was no big deal. Just a little prick and then I would get to go and hang out with Mandy. I filled out the new patient paperwork, sat around in the waiting room for a while (which was freaking gross....so many sick people! Fridays are a happenin' day at the health center). Then, I finally got called in. Filled out a little more paperwork and then it was time. I sat there and nodded my head causally as the nurse told me everything. Blah blah, not my first TB test lady. She wiped my arm down with the alcohol pad and then she busted out the needle. I was all torn whether I should look or not. I did.

Then she stuck me. I saw my skin puff up a little forming this small bump where she injected the PPD.

That's when I started to get a little woozy. I know it's not the "real" pathogen, but even just knowing that I just allowed some lady to inject me with disease freaking grossed me out. That little bump on my forearm was filled with TB (or...derivatives of...whatever). Disease is in my body swimming around all freely. Festering. Infecting.

The nurse made me sit in the hallway for a little while just to make sure I didn't have any adverse reactions to the thing and to make sure I didn't pass out. I didn't. As I sat there waiting though I started thinking about how sick it made me feel to think about these microscopic pathogens that were or could be in my body. Just thinking about it made me feel all dizzy and gross, but do I feel the same way when I contemplate my sin?

Sin is a disease that is killing my soul! And I am passively letting it. Unlike physical ailments that I would quickly try to remedy, I let my sin sit around and make it's home in my heart, only battling it sometimes when it is convenient or most pressing but otherwise not thinking much of it.

David knew his sin was freaking nasty.
Psalm 38
"O LORD, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath!
For your arrows have sunk into me
and your hand come down on me.

There is no soundness in my flesh
because of your indignation;
there is no health in my bones
because of my sin
For my iniquities have gone over my head;
like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.

My wounds stink and fester
because of my foolishness,
I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;
all the day I go about mourning.
For my sides are willed with burning,
and there is no soundness in my flesh
I am feeble and crushed;
I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

...For I am ready to fall,
and my pain is ever before me.
I confess my iniquity;
I am sorry for my sin."

Fighting sin is hard. I am a sinful person trying (with sinful faculties) to examine my sinful and deceitful heart to kill sin in myself. I love what Watson says about mortifying sin (perhaps one day I shall blog about the books on sin I have read...). In "Heaven Taken by Storm", Watson says this on finding the strength to fight sin:

"Fight against fleshly lusts with spiritual weapons: faith and prayer. The best way to combat sin is upon our knees. Run to the promise in Romans 6:14: 'Sin shall not have dominion over you,' or, as the Greek word is, it shall not lord it. Beg the strength of Christ (Philippians 9:13) [uh...for real the book says 9:13...but I think it's..4:13?]. Samson's strength lay in his hair; ours lies in our head, Christ."

Side note: Can I just say that Watson is a freaking gangster??? Love him.

The strength and ability to fight sin come solely in and through Christ. It's crazy and crazy comforting to know also that God desires my sanctification more than I do! My personal holiness is in His will. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification..." (1 Thess. 4:3)

Man, hopefully I will continue moving toward seeing my sin as God sees it. Worse than TB. Worse than Hep B, HIV. Worse than H1N1.

"Do we desire as much to look like Christ as to live with Christ?"