Duty and Piles of Duty.

The week is almost over and I can already feel myself adjusting to the new schedule and the monotony of life settling in. Did the reading for Bio 176. Took a quiz already in physics. Haven't really done too much for biochem...but my excuse is that my book hasn't come in yet. Just as my body and brain are becoming more conditioned to my schedule for this quarter, my heart has become conditioned too. Not disciplined. Conditioned.

I'm like one of Pavlov's dogs. I wake up, run (only if I've told Cathy that I'm running the night before...because I feel guilty when I don't), shower, then read. The vibration from the alarm on my phone under my pillow is like Pavlov's bell. I start salivating even though I'm not hungry. That's how it's been a couple of mornings. I'm not hungry for God's Word. I'm not reading because I love it. I'm not reading because I love Him. I'm reading because I have to. I'm reading because I want to put a check mark next to the date on my Bible reading plan.

I feel like at the beginning of a new year everyone talks about disciple both in christian and non christian circles. Everyone wants to improve somewhere and everyone knows it wont happen unless they discipline themselves to do so, whether it's losing weight, improving grades, reading the Bible more, praying more. We know we wont reach our goals unless we force ourselves to work toward them.

God is no magic genie and our hearts aren't readily obedient. Discipline is good. We need it. I need it because I know if I just waited for my heart to want to or to be ready to worship, ready to pray, ready to read, I would be waiting for forever. My whole heart might not be down with reading the Bible when I first start my mornings, but by forcing myself to sit and be in the Word, I hope and pray that my heart will follow.

I'm reading "The Great Gain of Godliness" by Watson (his commentary on Malachi 3:16-18). Have I mentioned that I love this guy???
In the book he says this:
The snow covers many a dunghill. A snowy white profession covers a foul heart.

It's easy to get into a pattern of doing things (if you do something for 3 weeks consistently it becomes a habit...or so they say). But to do things with the right motive, affections--the right heart, is so much more difficult.

I don't want the things that I am doing to be piles of poo. I want my heart to love God.