The breast thing ever. (God's grace made manifest pt. 3)

It seems like these days everyone is all about the "prosperity gospel". Everyone loves the idea of God granting to believers health and wealth because "He is faithful" and they love misapplying Jeremiah 29:11. As if God would be less faithful or less sovereign were He to allow trials to come into our lives. They say a good and loving God cannot be like that. He just wants us to have "our best lives now".

To steal from Piper, "I hate the prosperity gospel." I hate the idea that because I am a christian and because God was faithful enough to help Moses' parents keep him hidden for 3 months that that means He should make me fruitful in this life now. I hate how people emphasize finding peace and trust in God because He will prosper us now. I hate it. I think it cheapens grace and it makes Eternity dull and plain.

On a more--I guess, "tangible" level, I hate the prosperity gospel and essentially that whole method of knowing God because there is too much sucky stuff that happens. If I were to bank all my notions of God's faithfulness on how much He has 'blessed' me or those around me with possessions or health or wealth, He would seem to be cruel, mean, and unfaithful. People die. They get sick. They get into car accidents. They loose jobs. Fail tests, wear mismatched socks, and have bad hair days.

Today is the eve of my mother's birthday. She's pretty old, but doesn't look a day over 30 & she still has the humor of a teenage boy. A couple of years ago my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was tough times for the family. Though mom tried to do all her normal activities my sisters and I had to step it up and take on more responsibilities. Driving to school, practices, appointments, etc. Doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning the house. Cooking (though we didn't have to do too much of that. A lot of people donated meals to my family which was a huge help.)

It was hard. Everyone else's mom's were there to help them do things. Not even important things, just things. I remember there would be times when I would become angry and frustrated out of selfishness, thinking things were not fair. In hindsight I was really dumb.

Through that time though God was ever gracious and good as He had been before and will continue to be. Because of my mother's cancer we learned the reality of the brevity of life and very tangibly we saw genuine faith that saves manifested in my parents' dealing with the situation.

God has worked good from my mother's cancer even outside of our family becoming more sanctified. The experience has given us a new ability to empathize with others in their suffering (which probably only Kimberly had the ability to do before...we aren't very emotionally sensitive people). Mom has had numerous friends diagnosed with breast cancer & is able to help them deal with the disease, not only in terms of what to expect as far as treatments go, but also how she is able to see her cancer as a blessing.

At Lighthouse we've been learning about "living between two world" and there has been a strong emphasis on suffering. At retreat Ps. Nam hit on it hard too saying that suffering was one of the ways which God brings about our sanctification because suffering loosens the chains of the world on our hearts. It's true. How petty, meaningless, and small the things of this world become when we are faced with trials and are forced to fix our eyes on Christ. If only our spiritual amnesia was not so intense, too quickly and too easily do we get distracted by the temporal pleasures of this world. As C.S. Lewis said, "We are far too easily pleased."

It's a scary thing to recognize that suffering is not only a gift of grace but it is also that which will help bring about your sanctification and brings you closer to Christ. John Bunyan knew suffering well and said, "Were it lawful, I could pray for greater trouble, for the greater comfort's sake." To not only have joy in trials when they come but also asking for trials to come.

My mother has been cancer free for a couple of years now. Her hair might not have grown back completely, but at least she is alive. Actually, I think if you were to ask my mom how that "at least..." statement should read she would say something to the effect of "At least my cancer caused people to cherish Christ more."

Happy Birthday, Momma. Thanks for continually teaching me how to be a godly girl & always reminding me what is important in life.

"So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90: 12

Exhausted Yet Refreshed.

It's 2am ish and I am tired. But it is that sucky tired where you are too tired to sleep. It is a good thing I don't have class tomorrow.

This past weekend I was able to go to Lighthouse's 2nd all church retreat. Being able to attend that retreat was such a blessing. I was able to spend time with Elyse (I think that is the most days we've slept together in the same room haha) and I was able to get to know more people in the church (honestly, I've almost been there for a year and there are still those times when I'm pretty sure I'm seeing someone for the first time). More than that though, retreat provided me a weekend to rest (maybe not in terms of hours of sleep) and reflect on God's goodness in my life. Time just keeps flying by and it's been difficult to stop and remember God's grace in salvation, the past year, and in everyday life.

The theme of the retreat was Above and Ps. Nam gave six strong messages on how to live our lives in light of the next. I really liked Ps. Nam. His messages were clear and I especially liked how he didn't give us application points and how he referred back to the original languages for grammar. Without the application points you really have to work and allow the text to convict you. I think it makes messages heavier and more personal. All the grammar made me miss Greek a lot. There is so much information that is all subtext! Maybe I will go steal Machen from home.

I think the three big things I am taking away from retreat are that 1.) the Gospel is applicable not just at the point of justification, but also through sanctification, to glorification and into Eternity, 2.) I should welcome suffering, not just if God brings about a trial in my life, but I should pray for suffering if it will bring about sanctification, and 3.) my Anchor holds within the veil.

So Christ centered--the preaching, worship (I love the hymns!), even the kids' songs were straight up Scripture (how do you like them apples, M&M choir??)

It was a good weekend even with the raw spam and being uncomfortably close to other people in the church.

Caring Love

ALL-SUFFICIENT KING,

When I come into thy presence I see the glory of thy perfections, the throne of eternal and universal empire, the ten thousand times ten thousand who minister to thee.

Impress my mind with the consciousness of they greatness, not to drive me from thee but to inspire me to approach thee; not to diminish my confidence in thee, but to lead me to admire thy great condescension.

Thou has been mindful of me and visited me, taken charge of me from birth, cared in all conditions for me, fed me at thy table, drawn the curtains of love around me, given me new mercies every morning.

Suffer me not to forget that I look for yet greater blessings--a hope beyond the grave, the earnest and foretastes of immorality, holiness, wisdom, strength, peace, joy; all these thou hast provided for me in Christ.

I grieve to think how insensible I have been of the claims of thy authority, and the endearments of thy love; how little I have credited thy truth, trusted they promises, feared they threats, obeyed thy commands, improved my advantages, welcomed thy warnings, responded to thy grace; but notwithstanding my desert I yet live.

May they goodness always lead me to repentance, and thy longsuffering prove my salvation.

-Valley of Vision.