With the graduation quickly approaching and the uncertain future getting closer and closer, a lot of my prayers and thoughts are always efforts to remind myself that "God is sovereign", "God is good", and "God has a good plan for you". When those fail to bring comfort (because my faith is small and I suck...) as if those promises weren't enough, I remind myself that, "At least you have salvation". And sometimes even that fails to warm my heart and bring comfort to my anxious soul.
This morning, I started thinking about all the things I needed to do for the day, for the week, within the coming month, etc., and I started to freak out. Classes to study for. Small groups to plan for. Graduation to plan for. Sick people to pray for. People to email. So much junk to do! I found myself repeating the same mantra to myself I've been saying more and more and more as of late, "God is sovereign. God is good." Still anxious and worried and stressed, I checked my googlereader (I love googlereader! When I wake up in the morning, sometimes it's the first thing I do...even before going to the bathroom or brushing my teeth...)
Anyway, Sovereign Grace just released a new CD, Risen, and I've been waiting for it to go on sale for $5 since Rick Holland tweeted about it. Finally, Risen is on sale for $5! For some reason my paypal thing is being weird so I will have to wait to download the whole thing later, but you can download "Jesus Lives" (one of the tracks from the album) for free! Get it!
Downloaded the song and listened to it on the way to campus. Listening to the lyrics, I'm not going to lie, I got a little teary. The chorus goes like this:
Jesus lives and so shall I
I'll be raised from the dust with Christ on high
Jesus lives no more to die
And when He returns with Him I'll rise
Jesus lives
The reason why "God is sovereign. God is good" hasn't been relieving my worries is because I am looking for a temporal fix to my uncertain future. When I think "God is sovereign. God is good.", I am really thinking "God is going to get me a job or get me into some school." "God is going to find me friends once I leave Irvine." God is going to do all this junk for me because it's "His plan and He is good." Not only am I presuming on His grace, but I'm only looking like 50 yards ahead of me.
Easter is around the corner and there's a big push to look to the cross, to remember Christ's sacrifice for our sins. To which I would say, "Yes! We should!" The cross is super important! But more often than not, the resurrection gets little to no attention. It's like this little added thing that just gets appended to the cross. Even in my own brain, Jesus' being alive now is just a nice afterthought.
No wonder even when trying to look to God Himself, His sovereignty and goodness, I still freak out. I'm treating Him like some magical genie. I'm not looking to Eternity. I forget that God does not owe me a comfortable or good life here on earth. I forget and take lightly the fact that He has promised life after forever. Dude! There is so much hope and joy and comfort in that! Jesus is alive and so shall I! It's not, "At least I have salvation." It's, "I have salvation!!!"
