Christmas Eve

"This is the Christian hope into which we were saved. We know that Jesus has already paid for our adoption, but we wait for the Father to send Him for us to renew our home and dwell among us eternally as we experience our resurrected bodies and the fullness of His glory. This is a salvation about so much more than just 'going to heaven when we die.' This is restoration, redemption, and renewal. This is going from enemies of God to sons and daughters of God, co-heirs with Christ. This is living fully in the image of God the way He intended. Oh what a day that will be[!] Come Lord Jesus, come[!]" -Advent Guide, The Village Church

Science is Cool!

Being on break has provided a few opportunities to do some things I didn't have time to do during the semester. I've been able to do a couple of science experiments! The first was from Pinterest. Cutting glass with acetone and flame.

Allison making fun of us as we prep our experiment.

Success!

Cutting glass is scary! Basically you wrap yarn around your glass bottle. Soak the yarn in Acetone (nail polish remover). Put the soaked yarn back on the bottle where you want it to cut. Light the yarn on fire. FLAMAS!!! Right before the flame goes out dunk the bottle in cold water. Eye protection--Check! Contemplated wearing lab coats...but I really wish we had flame retardant gloves! The fire was frightening and I didn't want to do it anymore, but Kim pointed out that Allison had already posted pictures on Facebook and we would look lame if we didn't post an "after" picture.

The next experiment is not for the faint of heart. I wanted to see approximately the maximum volume of my bladder. There is this one episode of Grey's Anatomy where Meredith and Karev (I think) drank a ton of water and then did an ultrasound to see who had the bigger bladder. Ever since then I wanted to see how big my bladder was. But I don't have an ultrasound machine! So I did the next best thing.

According to the National Institutes of Health the average bladder can hold 350-550mL of liquid. I drank 3,500mL of water and my output was about 700mL! Yippee! Above average.

Stay tuned for more scientific adventures! Instructables has a "Projects for Pyros: Holiday Edition" that seems interesting.

A song about science.

Grace Upon Grace.

- iMessage.
- "Mexican" Boba.
- Reminders to run my race.
- More free music. (I love Noisetrade!)

Girl Crush.

I love Lauren Chandler. SO excited to hear her speak this coming June! 
Here's an excerpt from her blog (she hasn't updated in some time, but go through the archives man)


"Sometimes He wrings the worship from our hearts."
If you get the chance, read Psalm 107.
There are times when worship overflows easily and effortlessly from a heart full of gratitude and praise. Yet, there are other times when we feel we have nothing left to offer up. We are tired, or thirsty, or imprisoned in our own chains through our own devices, or caught in the waves of a tumultuous sea. This is when God wraps His eternally powerful, ultimately creative, nail-scarred hands around our hearts and squeezes with appropriate might. Our hearts painfully twist and change shape as He wrings the worship out of it. It is a deep worship. It is an honest worship. It is the worship we sometimes forget. The humble worship of crying out to God in the midst of our pain. No flowery words. No shiny faces. Not in that moment. That will come later. But for now, this is the worship He seeks - an honest plea for Him to save us.

"Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress (Psalm 107:6,13, 19 & 28)."

O come, O come Emmanuel.

It gets darker earlier. The leaves on the trees are changing colors and falling. It's so cold (and crazy windy!!!). Christmas music is playing on KOST and The WAVE. It's December! Christmas is just around the corner!!!


Since college, I've become more and more excited about holidays (as in all of them, even Halloween which is sort of weird since I don't do anything too exciting). Christmas will always be more special than all the other holidays though. I love everything about it even the commercial, secular, pagan, this-is-not-what-Christmas-is-all-about parts. Christmas trees, egg nog, outrageous Christmas sweaters, Santa, cheesy romantic comedies centered around the holidays, Christmas music (who else loves the Justin Bieber Christmas album? the Michael Buble album?? N'SYNC???) Actually, I think I'm not the only one who loves Christmas and anyone who is not looking forward to the 25th is probably in the minority.


One tradition that we have at our house is the advent calendar. Each year my mother buys each of us a cardboard box with some Christmas scene printed on the front and 25 perforated windows numbered 1-25 (this year she is a little late...). Behind each window is a piece of chocolate! It's great. I remember one year she tried to change it up and use these ornaments with Bible verses on the back...those weren't as popular as the chocolate filled boxes (what can I say, we are sinners who love our chocolate!) Even with our countdown tradition, I don't think I've really understood the kind of eager anticipation I should have around Christmas time or even the kind of appreciation I should have for Christmas as a Christian.


Christians and most non-Christians can tell you that Christmas is really about Jesus being born in a manger--or more "theologically", the incarnation. Not to downplay the fact that God became human, but I always kind of thought Christmas was kind of just a big arrow pointing to the less-celebrated-and-slightly-less-commercialized Easter. Obviously, Jesus had to be born so that he could die. Be thankful. Rejoice. The end.


Probably due to my greater love for chocolate than the Word, I've failed to see that Christmas and the incarnation are reminders of the faithfulness of God. God promised the Jews a Messiah and though they might not have recognized Him, He came. God has made a promise to us too, that Jesus will come again.


It's crazy how this slightly delayed epiphany has transformed how view and feel about Christmas. When I'm counting down the days to Christmas (21 more days!) I have to stop and ask myself if I'm as excited about Jesus coming back again. Do I feel that same eager, anxious, anticipation for His return? Do I treasure this world and all that's in it more than I treasure Christ?


This year my favorite Christmas songs are "O come, O come Emmanuel" and "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus" (On repeat all day, err'day!). Before when we'd sing these songs I'd try to pretend I was an Old Testament Jew. But that didn't really cause me to worship or feel anything because I'm not an Old Testament Jew waiting for the Messiah. This year though, I understand more. This year, I can listen to these songs and in my heart say, "Yes! Please, come!" With the same yearning the Jews had for a Messiah, I can sing and pray and plead, "Come Thou, long expected Jesus...From our fears and sins release us. Let us find our rest in Thee!" This longing for Christ to come again is backed by the reality that he came once before. As if God could not be trusted, we have the incarnation and the cross as proof that He is a keeper of His promises.


"O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free Thine own from Satan's tyranny; from depths of hell Thy people save, and give them victory over the grave. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel"


"Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 3:8-9


Seriously, download this Advent Guide.

Grace Upon Grace

-La Cocina. OMG delicious Mexican food, get in my belly!
-Free music. Red Mountain Christmas Songs
- No class on Fridays.

"All the while, You hear each spoken need..."

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things..."

“If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:31-32

What's a Girl to Do.

Went to school dressed like a boy.

Got asked why I was at Bible study.

Went to school dressed in normal people clothes.

Got asked what I was doing in EMT class.

9/11 First Responders.

Amazing.

Noteworthy.

"Our best duties are as so many splendid sins. Before you can speak peace to your heart you must not only be sick of your original and actual sin, but you must be made sick of your righteousness, of all your duties and performances. There must be a deep conviction before you can be brought out of your self-righteousness; it is the last idol taken out of our heart. The pride of the heart will not let us submit to the righteousness of Jesus Christ." - Whitefield

Grace Upon Grace

Week one of summer vacation is going by way too quickly! What a blessing even the smallest break is. 


A short list of fun things I've been up to so far! 


-Don't Waste Your Summer Girls' Book Club: Even though this started before my summer break officially kicked off, it has definitely been a highlight of the summer. We've been reading "Living the Cross Centered Life" by CJ Mahaney. What a good reminder of the cross and what and encouragement it has been to have front row seats to God's work in the hearts of young girls! Gah! Serious struggle to fight back the happy-tears each meeting.


-Speaking of fighting: I joined a fight club! Well, not a fight club. I'm taking Krav Maga lessons! Hahah. I am so sore after 2 classes and I know how to escape being choked from the front and back. Also learned how to knee and elbow the crap out of an attacker. Fun times!!!


-More feminine things (...sort of...): Babysat some kids from church the other weekend so that their parents could go out. I love those kids!!! Affirmation for myself that I do not in fact hate children. Honestly, when I made the offer to watch them I was a little worried because the mere thought of children was literally bringing on the gag reflex. Bratty, annoying, slimy, misbehaved kids really make me want to vomit. (I know, not really something a single christian girl should be spreading all over the internet) BUT! It was fun watching those kids even though they were a little wild. Love them.


-Made that: I made a duvet cover! Sew cool! My sewing skills are pretty crappy (especially compared to Allison...ugh. How does she do it??? I can barely sew in straight lines!) 

Heading Out.

"The same sun that melts the wax, hardens the clay."


Praying for a soft heart this weekend.

O2

He who forgets the humming of the bees among the heather, the cooing of the wood-pigeons in the forest, the song of birds in the woods, the rippling of rills among the rushes, and the sighing of the wind among the pines, needs not wonder if his heart forgets to sing and his soul grows heavy. A day's breathing of fresh air upon the hills, or a few hours, ramble in the beech woods’ umbrageous calm, would sweep the cobwebs out of the brain of scores of our toiling ministers who are now but half alive. A mouthful of sea air, or a stiff walk in the wind's face, would not give grace to the soul, but it would yield oxygen to the body, which is next best. -CHS

Watson.

"Thus let us endeavour to make the name of God glorious and renowned. If God seek our good, let us seek His glory. If He make all things tend to our edification, let us make all things tend to His exaltation."

Chicken Fried!

"I thank God for my life

And for the stars and stripes

May freedom forever fly

Let it ring.

Salute the ones who died

The ones who gave their lives

So we don't have to sacrifice

All the things we love...

Like our chicken fried

Cold beer on Friday night

A pair of jeans that fit just right

And the radio up"

He's Alive!

With the graduation quickly approaching and the uncertain future getting closer and closer, a lot of my prayers and thoughts are always efforts to remind myself that "God is sovereign", "God is good", and "God has a good plan for you". When those fail to bring comfort (because my faith is small and I suck...) as if those promises weren't enough, I remind myself that, "At least you have salvation". And sometimes even that fails to warm my heart and bring comfort to my anxious soul.


This morning, I started thinking about all the things I needed to do for the day, for the week, within the coming month, etc., and I started to freak out. Classes to study for. Small groups to plan for. Graduation to plan for. Sick people to pray for. People to email. So much junk to do! I found myself repeating the same mantra to myself I've been saying more and more and more as of late, "God is sovereign. God is good." Still anxious and worried and stressed, I checked my googlereader (I love googlereader! When I wake up in the morning, sometimes it's the first thing I do...even before going to the bathroom or brushing my teeth...)


Anyway, Sovereign Grace just released a new CD, Risen, and I've been waiting for it to go on sale for $5 since Rick Holland tweeted about it. Finally, Risen is on sale for $5! For some reason my paypal thing is being weird so I will have to wait to download the whole thing later, but you can download "Jesus Lives" (one of the tracks from the album) for free! Get it!

Downloaded the song and listened to it on the way to campus. Listening to the lyrics, I'm not going to lie, I got a little teary. The chorus goes like this:
Jesus lives and so shall I
I'll be raised from the dust with Christ on high
Jesus lives no more to die
And when He returns with Him I'll rise
Jesus lives


The reason why "God is sovereign. God is good" hasn't been relieving my worries is because I am looking for a temporal fix to my uncertain future. When I think "God is sovereign. God is good.", I am really thinking "God is going to get me a job or get me into some school." "God is going to find me friends once I leave Irvine." God is going to do all this junk for me because it's "His plan and He is good." Not only am I presuming on His grace, but I'm only looking like 50 yards ahead of me.


Easter is around the corner and there's a big push to look to the cross, to remember Christ's sacrifice for our sins. To which I would say, "Yes! We should!" The cross is super important! But more often than not, the resurrection gets little to no attention. It's like this little added thing that just gets appended to the cross. Even in my own brain, Jesus' being alive now is just a nice afterthought.


No wonder even when trying to look to God Himself, His sovereignty and goodness, I still freak out. I'm treating Him like some magical genie. I'm not looking to Eternity. I forget that God does not owe me a comfortable or good life here on earth. I forget and take lightly the fact that He has promised life after forever. Dude! There is so much hope and joy and comfort in that! Jesus is alive and so shall I! It's not, "At least I have salvation." It's, "I have salvation!!!"

Grace Upon Grace

-Sleep.
-Reregistering for classes and getting the ones I needed.
-Target gift card.
-Cat videos.
-Birthday pizza.
-Watson's writings.

Jumping on the bandwagon.

Everyone and their mom is talking about Rob Bell and his new book.


I have a question that no one is asking--is it just me or does he wear the same outfit all the time?


Interview with Lisa Miller

In good company.

"Watson was one of the most concise, racy, illustrative, and suggestive of those eminent divines who made the Puritan age the Augustan period of evangelical literature. There is a happy union of sound doctrine, heart-searching experience and practical wisdom in all his works." --CHS


Watson was racy too.

Grace Upon Grace

- Sleep.
- Good coffee.
- Almost getting hugged by some random stranger after he found out I was Japanese because he felt so sad for Japan.
- Time in the Word.
- Christian Lit.
- 85 to kill time so I could park in a closer lot on campus.
- Sweats and gonorrhea for my birthday from my small group.
- Seeing a code and remembering patients are people.

"The Ultimate Aim of Serving Others"

Cancer and comfort.

Right now it feels like everyone has cancer. It's hard to minister to people--or it's hard to know how best to minister to them. 
As a christian, I don't know how to console my non-believing friends. I don't feel comfortable telling them things will be ok because in my heart I know that death that awaits them, or their parents, or their friends will not bring and end to their suffering but suffering beyond compare. I can't tell them that God is sovereign and that God is good because they either don't believe in God or they will not understand how a god who kills their parent or friend or brother or sister is good and loving. 
Cancer has become so common that we toss the word around like it's no big deal. We use it in our household vernacular along with chemotherapy, chemo, radiation, bone marrow transplant, etc. Maybe we are shocked at first, but cancer has been relegated to something small like a cold. Chemo, radiation, and all these other procedures are the equivalent to taking some vitamins or something. Ugh. I want to shake people. Cancer is no small thing. It is an evil monster. It can cause an organ to fail. It can spread to other places. It can eliminate your body's own defenses against cancer itself and other diseases. It is no small thing. So on top of the spiritual side of things, thanks to my UCI education, I don't know how to minister to these people as a future healthcare professional because I see the ailments and diseases these people are suffering from and I know that the prognosis is not good.
I feel helpless and every situation seems hopeless. But, it's because, "I don't believe in God, I believe in science." I have more trust and belief that science is right than I do in God being God. Not that God will necessarily heal these people, but that he is sovereign and he is good and he is God. My non-Christian friends might not be able to take comfort in that, but I can find ultimate comfort there.
On Wednesday, I visited one of my friends from jr. high, high school, and college at UCI Med. Center. He's there because a month ago he was diagnosed with leukemia. He's not a christian so I was trying to ask these probing questions to try and move the conversation toward more spiritual things (I failed...but that is for another time). I asked him something along the lines of how he's been holding up or something and he said, "Pretty good. I mean, I'm not dead." I forget how the conversation went after that...not the way I wanted it to that is for sure...I didn't get to share the gospel. But, while I was driving back I couldn't get over what he said. There he was all confined to a small hospital room for the past month, getting poked and prodded, having to put his dreams of med school on hold, being all immunocompromised, and he still could say it was better than death. What? If a pagan can say this how much more should I be able to?
Ministering to sick, broken, dying people is not easier because we toss God, his sovereignty or the gospel into the mix. It is emotionally and spiritually draining. My heart is still heavy and I am still sad. Emotions don't disappear when God comes on the scene. But there is great comfort in knowing that, "I'm not dead." Being physically alive means that God is not yet done with me. I still have "things to do, places to go, people to see." More than that, spiritually alive means the gospel applies to me. My sins are forgiven, not only am I saved from God's wrath but I am able to find ultimate comfort in him. That's the hope I can share with the dying world, the best way I can minister to my sad, cancer affected friends. I can care for their souls. More than an improbable hope for healing or cure, I can offer them a hope for salvation.


Rock of Ages, cleft for me
Let me hide myself in Thee


Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.-Psalm 62:1-2

Real Life Monsters.

"I propose to speak of a monster that is more insatiable than the guillotine; more destructive to life and health than the mightiest army that ever marched to battle; more terrifying than any scourge that ever threatened the existence of the human race. The monster of which I speak...has fed and feasted and fattened...on the flesh and blood and brains and bones of men and children in every land. The sighs and sobs and shrieks that it has exhorted from perishing humanity would, if they were tangible things, make a mountain. The tears that it has wrung from weeping women's eye would make an ocean. The blood that it has shed would redden every wave that rolls on every sea. The name of this loathsome, deadly and insatiable monster is "cancer". --Senator Matthew Neely of West Virginia, as quoted in James T. Patterson, The Dread Disease (from How to Win the Nobel Prize: An Unexpected Life in Science)

Grace Upon Grace

-Fresh hot donut and coffee in the morning

-Good country music

-Break from studying to read

-Accidental nap

-Excited for Resolved

-Encouraged by Dr. MLJ and his commitment to expository preaching & thankful for all the men who've had the same faithfulness to the Word and helped me grow. What a blessing!

"I gave up nothing [a promising medical career]; I received everything. I count it the highest honor that God can confer on any man to call him to be a herald of the gospel." Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Toe Up.

I started reading Jeremiah to find encouragement in his faithful serving in fruitless ministry. Instead, I am getting torn to shreds in seeing Israel's apathy and faithlessness toward God. I am more like Israel. I am the worst.

"God is still God and God is still good."

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2011/02/15/o-death-where-is-your-victory/

Newport Food Adventures

On Wednesdays I only have class from 10-11am this quarter. The past couple of weeks I've been staying in the library or going to starbucks. Today I thought I'd change things up and go to Tapioca Express. So I went, got a table and read for an hour (I'm reading "How to Win the Nobel Prize: An Unexpected Life in Science" for extra credit in mirco. I love it. It is so interesting! So nerdy...).
Anyway, I looked out the window and it was such a nice day today! We've been having a lot of those down here. I decided it was too nice to waste sitting inside (also, last week when I was at home Kaity commented on how pale I was...). I yelped a place to grab lunch in Newport and took a drive down PCH.
Dude man, I have been wasting my time in Newport! It's wonderful! So, to help me better appreciate this lovely place I live in I have decided to make Wednesdays (maybe not every Wednesday) "Food Adventure Days". Cheap good food!
Today, I went to Big Belly Deli (http://www.yelp.com/biz/big-belly-deli-newport-beach). I think I am in love. It has deli in the title but really the set up is more like a dive bar and nothing like a deli at all. I got the Rajun Cajun sandwich, which is technically breaking my food restriction diet of being a vegetarian, but let's be real-- a girl has got to have her some meat!!! 

The Rajun Cajun has "spicy chicken and sausage sauteed with red onion and bell peppers with melted jalapeno jack cheese and Tabasco ranch". Delicious!

All the sandwiches come a side option of macarroni salad, baked beans, cole slaw, or potato salad. I got the coleslaw. I'm not a huge fan of coleslaw in general and I'm not really sure why I ordered it. But it was pretty good. Not super mayonaisey and I think there was mustard in it.
I got it to go because I didn't want to look all lame eating alone (I am lame). The portion is relatively smaller compared to Qwick Korner (also excellent, but not in Newport.) but looks can be deceiving. I am really full.
Price wise you're looking at spending a little over $10 if you get a drink (honestly...this sandwich would be excellent with a little drankk). It's right off the beach. The only thing is that parking is limited to street parking which could get a little tricky, but since I went in the middle of the day it was fine. I want to go back and try their pizza. Someone join me!

Sleepless in Irvine.

So much to do, so little time. Farewell to sleep. Hello coffee!!! 


I like what Piper has to say about sleep:

The human heart does not replenish itself with sleep. The body does, but not the heart. We replenish our hearts not with sleep, but with the Word of God and prayer.

Comfort Kills.

Over break, Elyse and I met up for brunch to exchange Christmas gifts and just to catch up on life. Spending any amount of time with Elyse is always tons of fun and so so so encouraging. She is the best. Anyway, we got to talking about church, ministry, and our own lives and we decided that being comfortable is the worst. It's this sneaky sin that creeps in unnoticed until you're in way over your head.

Being comfortable is easy too. I mean, no one wants to be uncomfortable. Last quarter I had all this back pain from sitting hunched over. Lying down didn't help. Sleeping in the fetal position with my knees hugged to my chest didn't help. Even doing "child's pose" (which usually relieves some tension. Yoga ftw, sorry Mohler.) didn't help. So I went to the masseuse. Discomfort alleviated.

But that's not the uncomfortableness Elyse and I were talking about. We talked about those situations where we were scared to confront other Christians about sin in their lives, the conversations with our non-Christian friends we knew we needed to have, and just a general getting out of this Christian fluffy, comfy, nicey bubble we so easily fall into and chill in.

How do we fight this? How can we muster the courage to get into each other's kitchens when we see sin? How do we tell our lost friends about their need for a Saviour? How do we live lives that matter?

You could try harder, I suppose. Join some program. Get more involved in your outreach ministry. You could even "engage the culture". Go to a bar. Go to a strip club. Really get into the world.

But why? I think that's the question we have to ask ourselves. Why are we even doing this? Why is it necessary to point a wayward Christian in the right direction? Why do we need to help the unsaved? Why do we need to fight sin in our own lives? If our answer is nothing more than us trying to be good people by lending a hand to our brother/sister and seeking to end world hunger/poverty/human trafficking or any kind of human suffering then we are no different than Angelina Jolie. Yea, she is a UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador, but she is no Christian. Why does it matter that we're Christians?

This might come off a little cold, but whatever, I don't think it is. The times I have been most convicted to act have not been after seeing some sad Save the Children ad or even from hearing some crazy sermon because some preacher told me what I needed to do because all my friends will be all burning in Hell asking me why I didn't tell them about Jesus. Guilt comes for a little while, but emotional rises are lame and insufficient like that because they fade.

Genuine conviction and resulting action come after hearing the gospel. Not some fluffy-prosperity-happy-easy-blessed life-if you believe it- gospel, mind you. The real gospel where you know you're a sinner saved only by God's grace and where you have to count the cost of following Jesus. If your heart is moved first then your actions will easily follow. How could they not? Or both could just prove that you aren't even a Christian at all.

Hear and believe the gospel. Count the cost. Then obey.

"Therefore, salt is good; but if even salt has become tasteless, with what will it be seasoned? It is useless either for the soil or for the manure pile; it is thrown out. He who has ears to hear, let him hear." Luke 14:34-35

snow SNOW snow!!!

Snowing in Awesometown!